Tuesday, 3 June 2014

I Now Hate All Personal Trainers


I am usually very selective about what I share with people and am not one to reveal what gets me down or put myself in a vulnarable position but like I said in this post, I want to start talking about this stuff. Who knows, someone might relate and be kinder to themselves after they find out they're not alone. This post was not an easy one to republish.When I first wrote it, I tried to make it comical to hide how dissapointed and hurt I was by what transpired in that gym and have decided to rewrite and republish it to get what was really going through my mind at the time out there.

I avoided talking about my gym chronicles because I really didn't want to become one of those clique bloggers who  try compensate for their fatness or justify it by openly working, but at the same time the kind of duchebagery that goes on in gyms can mess with your head, mind and brain and end up doing more damage than good. Besides, I actually enjoy working out




So after noticing that my jeans have started putting up a fight in the morning, getting out of breath after two flights of stairs and my skin is breaking out so often, I decided it was time to put my big girl panties on, get over my issues and go back to working out.
I took out a monthly contract at a gym in Port Shepstone and met up with an instructor there to help me put a workout regimen together. After he asked me what my fitness goals were, I explained to him that I was in the process of learning to see my body in a positive light, trying to love embrace and enjoy it at "its worst" if you will, and that drastic changes in the size of my body would complicate things. Plus I've always been a big girl, I don't think being slim will ever be a desire of mine. I could literally feel him judging me while he gave me that "have you smoked zol?" look and he proceeded to show me a poster with a woman many sizes smaller than me, with skin many shades lighter than mine and with hair many kinks straighter and inches longer than mine. He told me told me, a 19 year old black girl, that she is epitome of beauty and what every woman should aspire to. He then asked me to rethink my fitness goals because my wanting to stay fat would not only look bad on his gym instructors equivalent of a portfolio, but would waste both our time because I'd still be unhealthy.



My chin could have damn well been on the floor; once again, as if my shopping woes weren't enough, I was being excluded because of my size. For the longest time, the mainstream media that continued to impose its own standards of beauty on women was a system; a ghost without a name, and it was heartbreaking that this black "professional" brother had become the face of the source of all womens body issues to me.
I started doubting this whole body positivity thing and my own sanity. I mean, when has a fat woman ever signed a gym contract just to stay fat? Was I in denial? Will I ever truly love my body? I was so hard on myself when I should have been asking this guy where he got his training from, why he shot me down and if it had ever occurred to him and every other narrow minded body Shamer that maybe, just maybe, some people actually do like their bodies and that it's people like him who are the problem here.




I was hurt and after a good cry in what I assume used to be the steam room, I concluded that there was no place in the world for a big girl. I was just going to have to loose the weight. I wondered how many of the other women in that locker room were dealt the same altimatum or if I was the freak. I was too intimidated to ask because they all looked so focused grown and determined to get thin. Nobody was going to get me.

I don't know if my ancestors were looking out for me or if it was a coincidence but my black account balance finally caught up with me and I had to cancel my gym membership a few months later, still fat but with greater skin, better metabolism and could outrun the new dog in the neighborhood.  I could now work on my body positivity without outside factors complicating things.

I am ashamed to say that I am now prejudiced against all trainers because of that incident and will only ever consider consulting one if and only if he/she is openly body positive, does not discriminate by size or shape, understands that women are different and will want different things for themselves and their bodies and has at least one black woman on one of those posters
The pamphlets always emphasize of how much importance  it is to talk to your physician is before and during the fitness journey, probably because they plan on breaking your bum, but they never said anything about talking to your psychologist because they would break your self image.

I am yet to find a gym that focuses on body positivity and builds its clients up without breaking them down, and until those guys who hand out gym flyers target people of all sizes and stop assuming that everybody wants to be slim, I will forever praise the Lord for earphones

Stay blessed.

4 comments:

  1. Not all Personal Trainers are bad... Mine did a fine job. Healthy was his #1 priority. When it time to loose the baby weight I'm going back to him....

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  2. Thanks for visiting my blog. I guess I did overexaggerate. Maybe the lady he compered me to are his personal preferance. Imposing them on me and trying to get me to look like her instead of asking me what I'd like to look like drove me away. I did find one who restored my "faith" in Personal trainers though. Congrats on you health Journey and your pregnancy. Do visit again please.

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  4. When you are working with a personal trainer you're not only investing your money, but also your valuable time and putting your health on the line. With a personal trainer by your side you will have access & knowledge to the right form & approach, direct motivation & a fitness plan that has been created specifically for your needs. Here you can find personal trainers for hire

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